Fish Tickle
I can't remember the last time I was dry.
The simple act of waking up causes beads of sweat to form on my brow. We take 3 showers a day. I'm so wet all the time that i'm starting to feel amphibious. At least when I get on the bike, evaporation does its thing and I cool down a little. But then I open the door to the house and step into the heat wave coming from the living room and i'm back to square one.
I take it all back about the cold showers. I was wrong. Now they can't get cold enough. Not in our little tile furnace of a bathroom. The ol' attitude takes a nose dive in the heat.
Escape
We couldn't take it anymore and went someplace to escape the heat and Thailand altogether. A place pure and untouched that neither alters nor fails. A place of renewed joy and endless coffee. A place called Starbucks. We ate sandwiches and drank a single Americano that cost the equivalent of $20. It was amazing. We studied in the window and even though I could see Pattaya outside, it wasn't Pattaya inside. Inside were the same cups, chairs and pastry cases to make you weep. Even the paint on the walls was imported. I could tell. Except at home the barista doesn't call you madam. Here I am madam. I've been upgraded. But at least it's a barista, not an old man with a cart he drives along with his bike who fixes iced coffees made from Folgers crystals and Carnation canned milk. No, it was a real barista with real espresso and it was good. But then we opened the door and we were back in Pattaya and after a short ride through crowded streets, home.
But little bits of air conditioning can go a long way. So can doing family worship in a pool. And today I was happy to see my old coffee man. Happy to buy vegatables from the stand next to my house and cook them in our sauna. I mean kitchen. I had an epiphany with the vegetables today. The leafy ones had been hit pretty hard, holes in all the leaves and I was trying to find the least damaged one when it hit me. These are ORGANIC!!! They have to be. Bugs eating them and all the little imperfections, which initially can be unappealing, means these have to be honest to goodness homegrown veggies. I perked right up.
The computer is broken by the way so I have to do everything on my phone until Compy is back from vacation in Bangkok. Yeah that's right, no one can fix it here.
Ol' Faithful
Other things that break: sinks. Our sink was getting weaker and weaker by the day. It could hardly get any water out, poor thing. Then it found a way to get the water out. Through the side! So when you turned it on, instead of coming out the faucet like a normal sink, it sprayed out in a perfect 360 degree circle. So what did we do? Just stopped using it of course. This appears to have made it unhappy. It sat there night after night, plotting and planning and then one day...
Amy came home from meeting. I was already in bed.
"What's happening in the bathroom?" she asked.
I was confused. There are only two people in this house and both of us were happening right here.
"Nothing's happening in there," I said.
"Then what's that noise?"
I got up to see why she was hearing things. Behind the closed door, it sounded like sombody had cracked a fire hydrant. We opened the door. The sink had blown up. Water was furiously shooting out the sides of the faucet. I went to turn it off and the handle broke in my hand, transforming it into a geyser. Well after frantically turning off the water and calling on an unsuspecting neighbor for help, we put a stop to old faithful.
Good news is, we love the new faucet!
Amy and I had the same talk this week. It's just that hers was in Thai. Fun! She got to explain what new nation was born at Pentecost 33 CE and with what purpose IN THAI. The brothers love us so much...
Fish Spa
I saw a fish spa today. Let's just say that's the stuff my nightmares are made of. Picture this, folks. There are tanks filled with hundreds of fish the size of your finger. They have flat heads with eyes on top and a round mouth beneath designed to suction to other living things. Well, you pay to stick your legs into these tanks. Are all the movies coming to mind where people disappear into a frothing sea of piranhas? Good. The fish go crazy. They love the legs so much that their little heads poke out of the water just so they can get at the last little bit of skin within their reach. How was this fish trauma advertised? The Russians call it a "fish tickle." I'm sorry, I don't want that. I already knew Russians were tougher than me and this proves it. Fish eating your skin? No no no. They're just tickling you. Well, not today fish, not today.
Went to the best barbeque of my life. We had a whole pig. They almost roasted it on a spit but the spit was broken so they just brought the whole delightful pig pre-roasted for us. Oh man. We sat and ate on the sun soaked grass surrounded by fruit and people of all nationalities. It looked like a picture of paradise.
Except for the pig.
The Next 21 Days
Did I mention that it's hot right now? That a fan is blowing hot air from my hot room onto my hot face? And yes I need to complain. For posterity. This is April, the height of summer and if we can make it through the next 21 days, we're home free.
For now, ice cream is not a dessert, it's engine coolant.
And 7-eleven is not a convenience store, it is a heat shelter.
And we are not girls, we are sweat monsters.
Sweat monster out.
The simple act of waking up causes beads of sweat to form on my brow. We take 3 showers a day. I'm so wet all the time that i'm starting to feel amphibious. At least when I get on the bike, evaporation does its thing and I cool down a little. But then I open the door to the house and step into the heat wave coming from the living room and i'm back to square one.
I take it all back about the cold showers. I was wrong. Now they can't get cold enough. Not in our little tile furnace of a bathroom. The ol' attitude takes a nose dive in the heat.
Escape
We couldn't take it anymore and went someplace to escape the heat and Thailand altogether. A place pure and untouched that neither alters nor fails. A place of renewed joy and endless coffee. A place called Starbucks. We ate sandwiches and drank a single Americano that cost the equivalent of $20. It was amazing. We studied in the window and even though I could see Pattaya outside, it wasn't Pattaya inside. Inside were the same cups, chairs and pastry cases to make you weep. Even the paint on the walls was imported. I could tell. Except at home the barista doesn't call you madam. Here I am madam. I've been upgraded. But at least it's a barista, not an old man with a cart he drives along with his bike who fixes iced coffees made from Folgers crystals and Carnation canned milk. No, it was a real barista with real espresso and it was good. But then we opened the door and we were back in Pattaya and after a short ride through crowded streets, home.
But little bits of air conditioning can go a long way. So can doing family worship in a pool. And today I was happy to see my old coffee man. Happy to buy vegatables from the stand next to my house and cook them in our sauna. I mean kitchen. I had an epiphany with the vegetables today. The leafy ones had been hit pretty hard, holes in all the leaves and I was trying to find the least damaged one when it hit me. These are ORGANIC!!! They have to be. Bugs eating them and all the little imperfections, which initially can be unappealing, means these have to be honest to goodness homegrown veggies. I perked right up.
The computer is broken by the way so I have to do everything on my phone until Compy is back from vacation in Bangkok. Yeah that's right, no one can fix it here.
Ol' Faithful
Other things that break: sinks. Our sink was getting weaker and weaker by the day. It could hardly get any water out, poor thing. Then it found a way to get the water out. Through the side! So when you turned it on, instead of coming out the faucet like a normal sink, it sprayed out in a perfect 360 degree circle. So what did we do? Just stopped using it of course. This appears to have made it unhappy. It sat there night after night, plotting and planning and then one day...
Amy came home from meeting. I was already in bed.
"What's happening in the bathroom?" she asked.
I was confused. There are only two people in this house and both of us were happening right here.
"Nothing's happening in there," I said.
"Then what's that noise?"
I got up to see why she was hearing things. Behind the closed door, it sounded like sombody had cracked a fire hydrant. We opened the door. The sink had blown up. Water was furiously shooting out the sides of the faucet. I went to turn it off and the handle broke in my hand, transforming it into a geyser. Well after frantically turning off the water and calling on an unsuspecting neighbor for help, we put a stop to old faithful.
Good news is, we love the new faucet!
Amy and I had the same talk this week. It's just that hers was in Thai. Fun! She got to explain what new nation was born at Pentecost 33 CE and with what purpose IN THAI. The brothers love us so much...
Fish Spa
I saw a fish spa today. Let's just say that's the stuff my nightmares are made of. Picture this, folks. There are tanks filled with hundreds of fish the size of your finger. They have flat heads with eyes on top and a round mouth beneath designed to suction to other living things. Well, you pay to stick your legs into these tanks. Are all the movies coming to mind where people disappear into a frothing sea of piranhas? Good. The fish go crazy. They love the legs so much that their little heads poke out of the water just so they can get at the last little bit of skin within their reach. How was this fish trauma advertised? The Russians call it a "fish tickle." I'm sorry, I don't want that. I already knew Russians were tougher than me and this proves it. Fish eating your skin? No no no. They're just tickling you. Well, not today fish, not today.
Went to the best barbeque of my life. We had a whole pig. They almost roasted it on a spit but the spit was broken so they just brought the whole delightful pig pre-roasted for us. Oh man. We sat and ate on the sun soaked grass surrounded by fruit and people of all nationalities. It looked like a picture of paradise.
Except for the pig.
The Next 21 Days
Did I mention that it's hot right now? That a fan is blowing hot air from my hot room onto my hot face? And yes I need to complain. For posterity. This is April, the height of summer and if we can make it through the next 21 days, we're home free.
For now, ice cream is not a dessert, it's engine coolant.
And 7-eleven is not a convenience store, it is a heat shelter.
And we are not girls, we are sweat monsters.
Sweat monster out.
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