Change of Plans

Well, this is a post I didn't see coming. But I should have. You know why?

Because in this organization, change is the name of the game. So why did I think that my life would stay the same while everything around me shifted? 

Well, I won't drag it out. Here's our big change:

We're not going to Turkey. 

A few months ago, Turkey and the US mutually decided to refuse visas to each other's citizens. The news hit us hard. Was this development a minor setback or something that would change everything? After much thinking and praying, Chris felt it was time to re-evaluate our goals. 

Cue the tears!

I didn't understand. Everything had been going according to plan. The saving and planning was going so smoothly. I was getting more and more excited about our new life in Turkey. We were also gently trying to break it to the congregation that we would be going.

Meanwhile, hurricane season hit the US with a vengeance, creating a huge need almost overnight for volunteers and relief efforts. Chris and I wondered if we should switch tracks and get involved in the relief work if they invited us but we decided to stick with Turkey. Then more hurricanes hit. Followed by the visa ban. I still clung to the idea that if Jehovah wanted us to go to Turkey, this ban couldn't hold us back. But Chris was starting to wonder if Turkey was indeed where Jehovah wanted us to go. 

At this point I'll mention that I do like change... when it's my decision. When it comes unexpectedly from an outside source, that's another story. I'd like to think I'm tough, but I'm not. We had been planning on Turkey for over two years. To lose it when we were so close, well, it hurt. Bad. I had doubts. I felt guilt for abandoning friends over there that we promised to come back to. I even felt like we weren't waiting on Jehovah to make a way out for us. But Chris was firmly convinced and he did his best to convince me too. So on top of managing disappointment and uncertainty, this would also become an opportunity to learn to trust my spiritual head.

But like I said, I should have seen it coming. The whole time we were in Turkey we were being prepared for this moment. Why? Because frankly, nothing went according to plan. We agreed many many times that the theme of our whole trip seemed to be "Change of Plans". For example, I thought serving in Thailand would prepare me for Turkey. Boy was I wrong. I thought we would be preaching to refugees. For the most part, we didn't. We planned to rent an apartment but instead, friends shared their homes with us as we moved from place to place. We didn't plan to do construction but we did. We didn't think we would enjoy Bodrum but we loved it. We thought we would go back and....well, you know. Each time it's a shock, and each time you have to adjust. So what do you do when all your expectations seem to be dead wrong? 

Obliterate your expectations.

That piece of advice from a very dear friend has changed me. If you let expectations hang around and whisper their desires to you whenever they feel like it, they're distracting and make it impossible to fully appreciate the moment you're in. I'm sorry. They must be obliterated. Proverbs 13:12 says "expectation postponed makes the heart sick." And who has time for a sick heart these days?

When the thing I had been running towards with all of my might suddenly evaporated, I was left stunned. What could I pursue now with the same level of focus? What could I work towards? I felt I had lost control and was just drifting. And I wasn't happy about it.

And that's not OK.

Chris didn't seem to be as thrown as I was. That's one of the things I love about him. There's not much that can cloud the sky of his sunny disposition. I'm working on being more like that. In fact, my goal in life is to look as happy all the time as Chris does drinking this juice.

I mean, look at him. He doesn't need a thing in the world besides that juice. 

Anyways, so one thing that stands between me and having that face more often are these seemingly innocent little expectations. So I obliterated them. Great. What next? I listened to the talk "Adjusting Our Sails Through the Winds of Change." It reminded me to devote all my time and mental energy to the assignment I had currently, not the the one I wished I had. Good point. But what about the deep longing that is at my very core to be a need greater?? How could I be happy in any other assignment? 

First step: Stop comparing assignments! 

When I was in Turkey, I compared it to Thailand. That's a good way to get disappointed real fast. But did I learn my lesson? No! Now I'm making the same mistake and comparing Turkey to serving in my home congregation. Stop doing that, Me.  Happiness means being super skilled at appreciating the good in each assignment. It means a steady diet of thinking about what I have and what I enjoy currently. There are always positives. We are working for Jehovah in his grand spiritual temple wherever we are, and that is the real privilege. He has all kinds of work for us and that work is always satisfying and joy inducing.  

So what's next? Well, Chris and I have been called for relief work near Corpus Christi, Texas. It looks like we will be heading out there in February. And we're ready for that. We've sold most of our things in preparation for Turkey, so we are ready to move anywhere really. I actually grew up in Texas and I haven't been back in a long time. I'm curious to see what will happen to my accent...

Beyond that assignment, we also aren't leaving any application blank. Any. That's right, even the one that says School for Kingdom Evangelizers on the top. So as far as the future goes, anything could happen. The big, HUGE difference is that our next move will be Jehovah's decision, not ours. Decisions are something he is much better at anyways, so I'm not worried.

In fact, i'm kinda looking forward to it.

UPDATE: Turkey has lifted the ban on US citizens, so for anyone that is still interested in need greating in Turkey, the way is now open!